In the spirit of the wildly popular Humans of New York, commonly known as HONY, I’ve assembled a similar mix for the millions of dogs who want to inspire others or make it big in Hollywood: Dogs of Peru (Etc.), commonly known nowhere as DOPE. Where better to start than right where I lived as of earlier this year: Peru? For all of the hundreds of dog-on-the-street interviews I did, I asked each dog a question–though they had the option to make a statement of their choosing. The puppy above didn’t feel comfortable commenting in English, but the others were all trilingual. Here’s what they had to say.

Kathryn: “What’s your opinion on the presidential candidates? Do you think there will be any last-minute twist due to someone’s skeletons in the closet–or perhaps there will be a change once the vice president running mates are announced?”

Dog: “I gotta take a dump.”

Kathryn: “Wow, you’re cute! I pretty much never say this, but your eyes are…like…kinda dreamy.”

Dog: “Is that a question? Because I’m pretty sure it’s not professional to flirt with your interviewee.”

Kathryn: “I’m sorry, but I’ve gotta rehash this: If Trump is elected as the Republican representative, does Bernie or Hilary have a better chance?”

Dog: “Yawn. My vote doesn’t even matter, let alone my opinion. Time to whiz again.”

Kathryn: “In this self-obsessed era, it seems that people have forgotten many virtues: Generosity, considering differing viewpoints, pausing before saying potentially harmful words, avoiding stereotyping…how can we get to a better place?

Dog: “Is my breath okay? For the interview. I want it to be good for when the interview lady gets here.”

Kathryn: “Look at you, you adorable little nugget!”

Dog: “In dog years I’m way older than you, sweetie. Cut the baby talk.”

Kathryn: “Geesh, someone was born on the wrong side of bed this morning.”

Kathryn: “What’s your world philosophy?”

Dog: “Why does everyone think we’re obsessed with all things poop?”

Kathryn: “Wait, is that your world philosophy or were you ju–”

Dog: “Ummmm do you have one of those plastic bags to pick up…my…?”

Kathryn: “Pick up what?”

Dog: “I just…the spot looked nice to mark, and so I…OH COME ON, DON’T MAKE ME SAY IT!”

Kathryn: “You’re very needy. You’re supposed to be smart, but you can’t even control your own eating and exercise habits. Cats can. What do you have to say for your species?”

Dog: “I feel that slurping while licking my body makes for attractive sound effects.”

Kathryn: “Should paternity leave be equal to the time off that mothers get? And shouldn’t we keep fighting for longer leave for mothers in the first place?”

Dog: “Look, it seems obvious tha–CUY!”

Kathryn: “Do you think that beliefs in topics such as religion and politics aren’t inherently bad? That, for example, they only become dangerous once people or groups try to force their agendas on others?”

Dog: “Observing the Sabbath with joy is all I am doing.”

Kathryn: “I was told you wanted to make a statement?”

Dog: “It was 1941, and my brother and I were just enjoying a lazy Sunday. We–“

Kathryn: “Sorry, but aren’t y–“

Dog: “–were doing the dishes when the door just caved in and smoke, yelling, and sirens filled the house. I couldn’t…I couldn’t see anything. I barked but ran in circles–I didn’t even know where I was. It could have been minutes or an hour… (pauses, takes a lick) When silence set upon us, I peeked out and found him across the room. My brother. He was still alive. His eyes welled up when he saw me, but I couldn’t tell if he was crying or just needed to take a dump in the yard. I’m sorry, I (sobs), I’m done. No more questions.“

Kathryn: “You just peed three times in the last mile, dude!”

Dog: “Instead of worrying about petty things, did it ever strike you to consider the fragility of the nuclear deal with Iran that everyone seems to have forgotten due to these clowns running for president? Don’t even get me started on what Putin has up his sleeve–that country has been stockpiling uranium for decades, and we don’t even know all the details. Then people concentrate so much on North Korea that they ignore the warning signs of Syria and the Assad regime. Meanwhile, we can’t logically deal with gun control on our own turf, so do we have the track record to poke our noses in other countries’ business? Don’t get me started, son.”

Kathryn: “Wanna play fetch?”